How can you help your teen with depression? A mother shares her experience on Twitter.

[TW dépression, suicide]
My teen was hospitalized for 3 weeks for depression and increased suicide risk. The life of 2 years is too intense for him. He takes anxiolites and the antidepressants begin to show their effect. He goes to special structure on Monday. 1/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

Depression is a disease I am familiar with, but in teens it is slightly different. He is overwhelmed with emotions and fears after spending too many months exhausting himself by keeping them under glass. He is volunteering in his therapy because he knows he is not responsible 2/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

of his condition. He also knows that he can speak with confidence and that it is no more embarrassing to be depressed than to have a cold.
If it can help you, I’ll tell you what worked and what worked less in my speech as a parent: I’ve already removed everything that represented a resource 3/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

busy, starting with school. Wait a few days to find where to turn. Then I complied with his only request, which was that the people around us knew nothing about it. His life is slipping through his fingers, if he can control ONE I leave it to him. i have 4/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

determined to maintain a serene dialogue between us. It worked because he understood the process of getting help in the hospital. His condition was beyond the scope of my abilities and even if he could have gotten into it I was the most misguided to help him be his mother. 5/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

Chances are, we had to redecorate his room. During a leave of absence, he took possession of his new furniture and his new surroundings. There was nothing associated with his bad memories, it made him feel good. Then we talked a lot about the disease in 6/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

herself. I explained to him that he was suffering from THE disease of patience and self-indulgence. The “get well soon”, we forget. He has the right to feel bad, to say so and it will take the time it takes, there is no rush to heal. 7/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

The look of others, who cares. “My friends should be concerned”, I made an appointment with the CPE and the CO-Psy AND to explain to them the reasons for my son’s absence so that if his friends want to, they can use the correct words and the have space to express themselves. 8/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

A harmless source of pressure. Another thing that helped him a lot in the beginning was meeting young people of the same age who were about to return home. He could see with his own eyes that it was possible to get better and 9/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

that an outcome other than death was possible.
He needs security. It goes through organization and projection. A 24-hour permanence that has been arranged the night before is not tenable. There are also no visits at varying times. At his request I go there every other day. Always 10/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

Between 3:00 PM and 3:30 PM We go for a bite to eat in the hospital cafeteria, we talk, we watch videos on TikTok, we come back to the ward, I leave around 5:00 PM. It’s a routine and it’s important. He’s allowed to go bad and I don’t hate or leave him before 11/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

this much. He also has the right to feel good. Just because he’s better at 3 p.m. doesn’t mean it’s a commandment to stay healthy at 4 p.m. Or the next day. We welcome the emotions, the waves, the fears and we control them. Oral or medical. 12/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

He learns to tame it all, to deal with it. He knows he’s not the only one experiencing this, but because he’s seen it. Not because he was told so by minimizing or putting him into perspective. Banish “You have everything to be okay” and others “Others are worse 13/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

You don’t complain much about it, really, it doesn’t help, your saliva doesn’t slide out any easier.
14/n

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

Depression, it ‘sticks’ the brain. It’s a real disease. It can’t be seen, but it’s real and emotionally very painful. The advantage is that as it is known, it can be treated. With treatments AND appropriate therapeutic care.

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

It was very loose, if you need help ask for it, it’s ok not to go it alone, to feel overwhelmed, drowned, out of breath. Listen to yourself or the person concerned. If you have any questions, I will answer them as best I can.

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 29, 2022

One thing that doesn’t work, but doesn’t work at all, is irony or humor to defuse an increasing anxiety attack. Even if it starts with a trivial trick, it should be taken to the extent that it represents to the one who observes it.

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

I asked him to write me a list of things to do if the situation arises. Some like to be alone, in the dark, others prefer a hug. Faced with the crisis, we are less powerless with this list in our pocket. And we adapt. Always.

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

Another very important thing: the right to change your mind. If we plan to go for a walk, see someone, string beads or whatever, he may even change his mind during activity. And we don’t have that against him. He might want something

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

without having the energy, or realizing that it isn’t doing him as much good as hoped. The idea that we are wasting a moment or that we are forcing the people around us is very heavy in terms of pressure. So we take a deep breath and it doesn’t matter, we do something else.

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

It’s not he who really dictates, it’s the depression that sometimes “speaks louder”. It’s his emotions that may ruin a moment for him, but not him who ruins a day for the family. It’s important to say that. Take it on yourself, have a valve, but

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

don’t let him feel the weight of the event. He already has it. A thousand times. And the guilt that comes with it. Put things in perspective. Steal the little sweet moments, enjoy them, use them to face the rest. Nothing is insignificant in a depression.

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

I avoid a conversation with “How are you?” as much as possible. Because no, it’s not okay, he may feel obligated to return the question to me and after the answers we don’t do anything about it. That in his state, answering every time things don’t go well, it’s boring

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

for everyone. It’s stupid huh. Have to think about it. How are you?, I’ve been worrying about it 56 times a day for 14 years now. I let him ask if he wants to and if not, I start with an “uninterested”: “What were you doing before you called me?” For the humor of the previous point m

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022

Anyway, deal with it. The dark, the light, the cynical, the funny, that’s important too. There he just genuinely laughed with all his strength because while playing Mario he jumped into the void and I replied “Ah so even virtual, you tempt death, what”.

— Emi Leimage (@Lalykse) January 30, 2022