Sacred sexuality intrigues, excites, fascinates and frightens at the same time. Why ? For, wandering between spirituality and eroticism, it offers the promise of a rather remarkable connection with oneself and with the other. But how to start? How to draw his contours to appropriate his teachings? Reply with Nathalie Vieyra, psychocorporal therapist, tantric masseuse and teacher from Wutao who just published Love, Tantra and Sexuality, a Path to Fulfillment published by Eyrolles.
How would you describe Tantra?
Tantra is a thousand-year-old way of oral tradition. It was transcribed in writing in the West by academics who trained with masters in Asia. Lilian Silburn, Pierre Feuga or Daniel Odier introduced tantra into our societies to open westerners to a new relationship with the body, sexuality and spirituality.
For me, who is 50 years old, tantra is a spiritual way of expanding consciousness, of self-knowledge. It allows us to experience the opening of our consciousness through exercises that emanate from the body and more specifically sex as an energy engine. Tantra teaches us how to use our sexual energy which is an existential engine. It is the source energy with which we are designed.
Do you think tantra is more spiritual than erotic?
You could say that tantra navigates between the two. The erotic dimension of the body allows us to transcend this sexual energy to take it to the heart. So in the end it’s more about love. Love in the sense of “state” and not of “feeling” because it has no definite direction.
Is it a form of meditation?
It is a form of learning about a new presence in the world… In tantra we say that there is no separation, that we are all connected: we, the animals and nature. It looks like a weft of fabrics. Every action that emanates from me, consciously or unconsciously, joins a great common Consciousness. Tantra for me is about connecting with this Whole. You can actually see it as a kind of meditation. In short, it’s about turning your gaze to yourself, to your body, rather than to what’s happening outside. We learn to reconnect with our centers: the first house is on the level of the sex and abdomen, the second on the side of the solar plexus with the heart, it is the seat of feelings and emotions and finally the last house is found at the level of the head with the mind, the spirit.
Tantra is not necessarily practiced as a couple?
Not at all. It is an individual process of self-knowledge. If we’re lucky enough to experience it as a couple after that, it’s entirely possible. In addition, not all courses offer exercises related to sexuality. This is where the mystery surrounding tantra lies.
Tantra is the way of the heart, of the relationship more than of sex strictly speaking. So cooking can be tantric. It is our sexual energy, our sexed body that will express itself.
It is also a way to decondition taboos, values and beliefs. We are suffocated in a straitjacket connected with education, with orders, with society, with patriarchy… Who am I if I free myself from all these family, intergenerational burdens that are not mine and that I do not did you want to wear?
How can one learn Tantra? Can we do it alone? Should we turn to a professional to discover tantric massage?
There is already not only tantric massage. This is the path that I have personally chosen because in my opinion it is the fastest way to understand what tantra is. But there are also courses for couples or singles.
You can also learn about literature. The fundamental texts of Tantrism are very difficult, but there are more accessible books that can offer some paths of discovery.
But actually tantra is our natural state that we have forgotten. It is not difficult to get in touch with him again. Sitting face to face, breathing together, looking each other in the eye, that’s already doing tantra. Lighting candles, defining sacred space. Anyone can do this at home. We sit together, meditate, look at each other differently. In my book, I offer many ideas to enrich your life as a couple before going to a professional. The first goal is to make the reader feel guilty about their desires and fantasies. I’m talking about communication, breathing. In the second part I talk about sexual trances, how to massage the other person’s sex, how to connect with their senses… There is no taboo.
In his book man-fuckedDora Moutot invites you to turn to a more spiritual sexuality to get out of the “bad sex”, does that appeal to you?
All the way ! But before we turn to spiritual sexuality, the first step is to understand that genitality is just the beginning of the adventure of sexuality. Above all, you should feel that all parts of the body can be ecstatic and erotic. That a toe can give as many sensations as a nipple (as much in men as in women). We don’t teach sexuality in school and that’s a shame because we have tremendous potential for exploration and fulfillment. It’s a shame to focus on this genital sexuality, which is sometimes only meant to relieve stress. As we go further, it is a very handy source of abundance.
Another central aspect to a satisfying sexuality is communication. People do not dare to talk to each other because they are ashamed of what they want to experience. It’s very common for the people I receive in individual sessions to tell me that they haven’t talked to their partner about it because they don’t think he or she could hear their desire. But how do you know if their partner doesn’t think exactly the same towards each other? Why don’t you talk to each other about your wishes? I’ve been following this for 15 years. What I want to tell them is that it’s really worth talking about!
The couple’s routine means that after a while we always use the same practices that we know are effective. We don’t have fun like we did at the beginning of the meeting. At the beginning of the meeting, however, we don’t feel 100% comfortable with the other person and we don’t dare to figure everything out. So we have to keep exploring and having fun together.
You have to take the time, explain yourself in the book…
Yes, the routine, the kids, the desire to prosper and have a career is good, but that doesn’t leave much time to take care of your couple.
Having sex once a month or once a day is OK. We just must not forget that it is essential for yourself, for your development, for communion with the other and to keep this inner fire that unites us with our partner… It is important to put that in your agenda too!
Want to know more about tantra? Go to the bookstore to see the work of Nathalie Vieyra. to discover Love, Tanra and sexuality, a path to fulfillment.